Karma is a Big Bitch

So I'm sitting here late on a Friday night in tears and it's totally my fault.  I'll start from the beginning.  My husband and I are young in our early 30's and have had problems since we started dating.  Probably should have never gotten married but we were still attached at the hip.  Fast forward years later and a slew of issues we can't seem to resolve we lost that loving feeling for about two months.  I also have a drinking problem and he's no angel either but my drinking had a lot to do with our fights.  Things got physical and I decided that I wanted to leave and keep drinking so I did.  Never in our 8 years together have I ever even been close to unfaithful.  I went  to a bar in a different city and got so plastered by myself it was pathetic.  I ran into someone I used to know and he refused to let me drive so he took me back to his place.  He didn't try to so I guess I did and we had sex.  There was just this instant chemistry/connection I don't know but it was great.  We saw each other for several days after and quickly fell for each other.  Everything was going great between us, I told my husband it was over I couldn't take the fighting and I wanted to be with someone else.  I tore his world apart and had to watch him cry several times.  I would go to the other guys house and my husband would call me 44 times.  Leaving heart wrenching voicemails.  I couldn't help it I just lost feelings for him and was now in love with someone else.  I had to stop the hurt and let him know I was serious about the divorce and we needed to move on.  He started calling and threatening the other guy and all of a sudden one day we are planning a vacation and the next day he's telling me he needs "space."

Now no matter what I do the other guy will barely communicate with me saying he's not ready for this.  Even though I left my marriage for  myself I can't help but also admit that it was also for this new guy.  Now karma is biting me in the ass because it seems he doesn't want me now.  I've ruined everything and I don't know what to do.  All I do is cry listening to this song and I don't know if it makes me think of my husband or someone who was supposed to be my boyfriend  http://youtu.be/7VfjCR0s2A8